Hello Friends!
As you likely know by now, Sri K. Pattabhi Jois (the lineage holder for Ashtanga yoga) died Monday, May 18, 2009. He was one of Krishnamacharya's (commonly known as the grandfather of modern yoga) main disciples, two others being BKS Iyengar (known for a practice of refined alignment), and his son, TKV Desikachar (focusing on his father's more adaptive and personalized approach to yoga).
I had the opportunity this last month to spend a weekend at a TKV Desikachar workshop. It was remarkably intimate, and an interesting experience for me. It's always a special experience to be near one of these master teachers, they almost literally ooze the richness of their lineage.
What I came face to face with at this event was my own attachment to my expectations. I was disappointed. And I felt guilty and embarrassed by it. What does it mean to be near someone like this and wish you could have your money back? I kept wondering if somehow I was not esoteric, smart, or advanced enough to appreciate the value. I would hear people talk about this "amazing experience" they were having. Another woman explained to me, in detail, the detox symptoms she was having--stuff I had only experienced on extended fasts of over 2 weeks; and still, no big breakthroughs for me. I decided I'd better just keep my mouth shut, because I was the only one not "getting it".
So I made this confession of my inferiority to a fellow teacher and friend when I returned, and she asked me to describe what we were doing. I told her it was all experiential stuff, no theory, just simple, neutral chants repeated, then breathing while mentally repeating the chants (10 breaths at a time), with rest in between. Which meant we would lie down, breath 10 breaths while chanting mentally, then continue lying there to "rest". And I would lie there thinking "rest??? rest from what???".
My friend pointed out that my lack of a mindbending experience was likely because Mr. Desikachar was teaching to group, and therefore tailored it to the beginning meditator. In other words, because I have a regular asana, pranayama and meditation practice, I wasn't feeling the same things as those who were experiencing these things for the first time.
Who knows if that's why, or maybe I just didn't get it. What I did learn is that a little theory goes a long way. Some people have a better experience with a context in which to place their experiences. Not only that, it helped me remember that the effect of what I teach my students may have a different level of intensity for them than it does for me, and I can't make any assumptions about that.
In the end, 20 hours of chanting, breathing and moments of quiet stillness can't hurt and I came back feeling centered and relaxed. At the same time I learned something about refraining from judgement of my experience, or lack thereof. What I am or am not experiencing is just as valid as what's happening with anyone else (and vice versa). Moreover, I must remember that every one of my students is an individual that has a unique experience in any given moment given their circumstances. So three cheers for all of us as individuals, and the texture our individuality adds to the fabric of Life.
Warmly,
Liz Doyle
www.LizDoyleYoga.com
lizdoyle@msn.com
206.660.2321
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ReplyDeleteLiz,
ReplyDeleteCould be that the teachings are not appropriate for the student - either the teacher is not reading the group proficiently or the student simply is not in the right place.
Could also be that teachings DO suit the group but a student's belief system is too tightly woven (resistant, angry, frustrated, doubting) and so nothing will get "in".
Could, as you point out, be that one or two people in the room have more practice in their bodies and therefore the degree of effect for them may be less palpable than a neophyte. Of course I'd like to believe that such a student has the opportunity to get more from less because they are able to work more deeply in an intrinsic fashion (but that is just me).
And the final one is much like the first but in this case the teachings are appropriate for the level of student but the subject matter or method does not resonate with the student - call this "not getting it".
Whether it is one of these for you, or a combination of them, I could not say:-)